you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You took a bar mat shot.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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