This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize