I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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