I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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