I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
