Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
