so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My ATM looks so different sober.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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