You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
