need another drink. this is the easiest way
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
