i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
