Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
