I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
