bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My penis needs a shock collar
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
