I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
