Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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