I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
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I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
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Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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