I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
