She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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