i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You can't special order awesome
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
