Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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