Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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