Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
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It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
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Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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