When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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