easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
