Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
