pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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