I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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