There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
