Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
