I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
