why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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