Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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