ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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