Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
