I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
