Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
