Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It was like getting head from an anaconda
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Randomize
