I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
