Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
