Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
