I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I don't think brook has ever known best
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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