Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My life is pants optional.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
