I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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