guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
