Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
