He is an equal opportunity slut.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
