He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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