If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
