I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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