New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
