I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
