I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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