You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
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That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
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I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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