Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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