i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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