All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
