why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
