I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize