I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
