I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
