sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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