I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
