I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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