just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
