Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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