you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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