Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize