this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
