I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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