I swear she didn't look like that last week.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
