Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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