He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Randomize
