I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
operation have a gay friend backfired
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
