so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
