I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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