We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
