Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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