i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
