so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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