Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize