Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
