I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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