bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
