I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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