what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
